Moving Beyond Maslow’s View of D/s and M/s Relationships

Most religions and moral systems see one of the great human problems as selfishness. A common and unifying philosophy is that personal development is a transcendence from the self to a larger purpose. Around the middle of last century, Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers and others aimed to liberate and enlarge the self. This was the…

This Week in Kink, December 9, 2017

Some polyamorous couples each have other partners, but for those in triad (or larger) relationship configurations, one problem you may not have considered is the size of an average bed. Even king-sized beds are tight for three adults. The Ace Collection markets its mattresses as being great for families that co-sleep with their little ones,…

This Week in Kink, December 2, 2017

It’s December, so I feel like it’s an acceptable time to say “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas”. You’re reading this, so you’ve probably got at least one kinky person on your shopping list. Stockings always make a great stocking stuffer (it’s in the name!), but perhaps you’re wondering what’s new this year?…

Can I Teach My Partner to be a Dominant?

You want it, but it’s just not on your partner’s radar. It’s really not uncommon, and it’s a commonly recurring chat topic on forums like Fetlife: I got married two years ago, and while we’ve been together I’ve suppressed my urge to be submissive due to him being mostly vanilla. He says he wants to…

This Week in Kink, November 25, 2017

Here’s something you may never have stopped to wonder. Why is it that so many gay leather bars have the word Eagle in their name? Mikelle Street at NBC News explains that after the 1969 Stonewall Riots, an old longshoreman’s pub was given a coat of black paint to become The Eagle’s Nest, and began…

Slave to the Rhythm

Life in my household has a certain rhythm to it. It’s partly circadian rhythms — the natural rise and fall of the day and the patterns associated with that — and it’s partly a negotiated rhythm that is kept in place by protocol. I think of that as ritualistic rhythm. It starts and ends my…

This Week in Kink, November 18, 2017

Somebody needs to explain to me what’s going on the US, because every time I read something I get more confused. In New York a health teacher has been suspended from her job because she invited a guest lecturer to teach her class about LGBT issues. Parents complained to the school about a pack given…

This Week in Kink, November 11, 2017

Twitter tightened its media policy guidelines last week to toughen up on revenge porn and hate speech, and Buzzfeed caused a bit of a panic by misinterpreting the guidelines as a “sweeping ban on porn”. Advertising has always had fairly strict guidelines on Twitter (because no-one wants their mother to be getting dildo ads in…

Special Snowflake Syndrome

We’re all a bunch of bad-ass mofos, no doubt, but there’s this regrettable thing that happens to some people when they discover BDSM that I thought might be helpful to talk about. When I say “regrettable”, I mean that if it happens to someone in your orbit, then one morning they’re probably going to wake…

Erotic Hypnosis

The mention of hypnosis in the kink community often provokes quite hysteric reactions, so perhaps for the purposes of this introduction you could think of it as a kind of mind work, similar to meditation. Its purpose is to induce a trance-like mental state. That helps individuals to relax and access a deeper level of…